24 Thoughts I Had Watching Season 4, Episode 1 of 'Never Have I ...

I’ve been waiting with more eagerness than befits a 29-year-old for the new season of Never Have I Ever to drop, and it’s finally here. The Netflix series—created by Mindy Kaling and Lang Fisher—has long been a joy, centered on a hotheaded, delightfully rude Indian-American teenage girl named Devi living in the San Fernando Valley and trying to figure out how to date boys, deal with friend drama, and evade her strict mom without losing her mind. (Plus, it’s queer sometimes!) Let’s dive in and take a recap tour through the first episode of the show’s fourth and final season, shall we?

OMG, Devi and her nerdy rival-slash-crush Ben finally had sex!Can I just say that this show’s depiction of teen sex (neither picture-perfect or dramatically traumatizing) is the best?Ugh, Ben tells Devi he has to “hit the hay” and offers to call her an Uber. Devi, you’re likely in for a lot of guys saying things like this to you after sex, but I promise it gets easier.I love, and remain mystified by, the fact that John McEnroe narrates this show as himself.Ah, the post-first-time recap with the besties. A time-honored tradition.Devi channelling her inner Kristen Stewart (“I wear shorts to the Oscars”) in order to work up the confidence to text Ben and invite him to Starbucks is everything.Ben meets Dwight Howard at the gym and confides in him...? Truly, this show is unmatched as far as inexplicable sports cameos go.Did I have to Google “Dwight Howard”? Maybe.Okay, Ben thinks Devi was the one who wasn’t into it. The course of teen love never did run smooth.Dwight Howard convinces Ben to reply to Devi extremely nonchalantly, based on the punctuation in her text, so he...basically ends things with her? In a “Have a great summer” text? WHY ARE TEENAGE BOYS SO STUPID?Devi asking the gods to bless her college application while she prays is one of the little details that makes this show feel so real and sweet. God bless you, Mindy Kaling!OMG, Devi’s mom is giving her her old car? I was shocked when my dad did this, and I was 23. Personally, you will never catch me giving my teenage child a Subaru (they can take the bus!), but I love Devi’s mom’s trust in her.Former high-school hottie and Devi flame Paxton Hall-Yoshida is off at ASU, but he doesn’t seem to be having that much fun. Do they not like classically handsome guys at ASU?More of Devi’s friend Fabiola and her cute partner Addison, please!Devi’s other BFF, Eleanor, seems to be growing apart from her himbo stoner boyfriend. Ah, senior year.Proof that Devi is an LA child: she tries to bribe a teacher into writing her college recommendation letter with Harry & David pears, which is legit classy.Oh shit, Ben has a new girlfriend just one summer after ghosting Devi? I’m pissed, and so is she.Devi returns to her hothead ways in a public hallway fight with Ben’s new GF Margot, and although I want her to mature, I also love watching her scream about dicks so rudely that she makes a teacher pass out.Hey, it’s Niecy Nash as Devi’s long-suffering therapist! I love her.Devi asking her therapist, “What would make Ben sleep with me and decide not to be with me?” is about to make me sob. Being 18 is so insanely hard, y’all.Devi’s therapist encourages her to write out the mean things she feels about Margot, but then Margot sees the list just as Devi is apologizing to her. Woof.Eleanor’s BF proposes to her at school (calling her “Eleanor Middle Name Wong”), and she obviously says no, because she’s a smart girl.Devi learns that their hookup was actually Ben’s first time too, which makes her less furious at him, but then he lets her down in a big way. I don’t think he’s wrong about them not being suited for each other, but I also...want them to make it work? Even though he’s the kind of guy who name-drops athletes he’s friends with?OMG, someone wrote “stupid bitch” on Devi’s car! Time for war.