Christmas is the best time for parents to talk to kids about porn, especially when watching Love Actually.
That’s the latest advice from sex educator Debbie Bere, 34, who says Martin Freeman and Joanna Page's awkward sex scenes in the festive rom-com are a great way to teach kids about consent.
In the film, their characters - Judy and John - are professional stand-ins and meet doing sex scenes for a movie.
READ MORE: 'I made a Spotify Wrapped-style presentation for my 2023 dating fails - this is what I learnt'
READ MORE: Mum opens chip shop to 'set son up for life' after stranger's ignorant words
Debbie believes free mainstream porn is the most damaging for under 18s - leading to an uptick in sexual violence like choking - and even ‘designer vagina’ surgery.
But she reckons the porn scene in 'Love Actually' is a great example to get your kids talking about sex in a healthy, accessible way.
Debbie, from Tiverton, Devon, said: “This time of year is great for conversations about sex - you’re with your children for two weeks in an intense space.
“You’re probably watching Christmas movies - and so many of them have awkward sex scenes in them. A great example is Love Actually - which features the scene with the porn actors.
“This is where you could ask them things like, ‘have you seen porn before?’ and ‘have your friends spoken much about it?’ - in a very conversational way, not shouting at them. You could even offer to pay for certain, safe platforms, if they’re curious.”
Debbie reckons mainstream porn makes "dangerous" viewing for under-18s - and they're not an effective way for kids to learn about sex.
She said: "There are two sides of the coin - free porn is a fantasy world, and it’s unhealthy for children to learn about sex by watching it.
“The types of porn you see on free websites - they usually only show one body type. Six packs, zero pubic hair, large penises. You don’t see people using lube - you don’t see conversations about consent.
"There are certain acts which are presented as ‘standard’ sexual practice, but in the real world, you’d need to have conversations about prep and consent.
“In regular films, directors cut and check in with the actors - it’s the same in mainstream porn. Actors will stop and chat and have a drink, they’ll check in with each other and ask about safewords. But you don’t see that.
“I often tell my students - you wouldn’t learn to drive by watching ‘Fast and Furious’ - don’t learn about sex through porn films.”
Kids who grow up with easy access to free porn also develop unhealthy ideas about violence and body image, Debbie claims.
She says the number of people enquiring in the UK about labiaplasty - a surgery to reduce the size of a person’s labia minora - rose by 45% from 2015 to 2016 - a stat she got from the Society of Plastic Surgeons.
And the number of children under 18 accessing violent porn - 79% of kids surveyed by the Children’s Commissioner - could be linked to the influx of choking during sex, she suggests. Debbie said: “Mainstream porn doesn’t focus on female pleasure - we often see them being objectified.
“Designer vagina surgery has increased - people see vulvas looking a certain way on screen - with non-existent labias, and think theirs has to look like that, too.
“In the - mostly heterosexual - dating scene, men are choking women because that’s what they’ve seen in porn. And it shouldn’t be a given.”
Debbie believes if under 18s are going to watch porn it should be ethical porn. She says parents should become more open to the idea of paying for their kids’ subscriptions to sites - if they’re aged 16 and over.
“The most accessible porn can often be the wrong porn,” she added. “This is where talking to your kids about porn comes in - yes, parents, it’s not easy.
“But in this day-and-age, if you’re not answering your kids’ questions, they’re going to Google. And if a teenage girl Googles ‘what should my boobs look like?’ - chances are she’s going to be seeing a lot of graphic, unrealistic images. It’s far too easy to keep scrolling through them.
“The age of consent in the UK is 16 - this could be a great age to introduce your child to ethical porn. So much of it is female-directed, and you can see a diverse range of bodies, aftercare and different ways of expressing consent.”
