A sweary 'keep, loan or sell' Chelsea list produces only two actually ...

One remarkably angry Chelsea fan has produced a stunningly sweary ‘keep, loan or sell’ list which shames their recruitment under two years of Clearlake.

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No likey, no lighty
I wrote in last year with a list of the Chelsea squad and who I would keep, loan or sell.

Its taken quite a bit longer this year, wonder why.

Sanchez – Sell. Cant play out from the back, bad shot stopper.
Jorgenson – Keep I guess. I dunno.
Petrovic – Keep, was far better than Sanchez last season, but is set to be sold. Who’d have guessed.
Kepa – Sell, good lord sell.
Slonina – Sell, what was the point.
Bettinelli – Sell, its time.
Bergström – Keep, if only because I have a soft spot for Finland.
Colwill – Keep.
Disasi – Keep, but only because the other options are so bad.
Badiashile – Sell. So, so bad. Unfathomably bad.
Fofana – Keep, if only I’d love to see him play a full season.
Adarabioyo- Keep. He was free, that’s the only reason. *
Chalobah – KEEP YOU CLEARLAKE MORONS. *
Cucurella – Keep, he has shown he has talent
Chillwell – Sell, too injury prone and only works with a wing back system (which Chelsea should probably utilise but hey-ho)
James – Sell – see above.
Gusto – Keep, one of the very few signings to have worked.
Caicedo – Keep, but good lord needs to improve.
Lavia – Keep, not seen enough but looks promising.
Veiga – Loan – he is a child
Fernández – Cancel this ****’s contract. A racist and s**te at playing football.
Dewsbury – Hall – Keep because hes just been bought, but he is the new Drinkwater. *
Chukwemeka – Keep, looks great when not injured. Looks to be loaned. Of course. *
Casadei – Sell, is talented but will never actually play for the first team
Palmer – With Gusto, the only one of 2 good signings.
Nkunku – Keep, injuries are worrisome, but clearly talented
Kellyman – What the f**k am I even to do with this one.
Anjorin – Loan, another promising academy player not quite doing it yet
Sterling – Sell, he’s been poor for his standards at Chelsea, perhaps not his fault, but still
Mudryk – Sell, unsalvageabley poor. Again maybe not his fault, but still
Neto – Keep, a decent winger with very average numbers. But just bought.
Madueke – Keep, maybe this is bias but I really like him and the effort he puts in.
Angelo – Sell, yeah me neither.
Jackson – Keep, he is bad. Really bad. But is the only striker so… *
Lukaku – Sell, finally gone. Will not be missed.
Broja – Sell, has been loaned/sold. Could be missed.
Fofana – Sell, what was the point of this transfer?
Washington – Sell, see above but with more confusion.
Guiu – Keep, did look good in pre season but no idea how good he is. *

I kept 18 players, 6 of which I put * next to because the reason for keeping them was dumb, or because they are being sold.

So 13 players I would keep. More than half of those wouldn’t start in a ‘normal Chelsea team’. In fact the only player on that list that would have gotten in the first 11 Clearlake inherited would be Palmer. I’m sure only Palmer and Gusto would get into the first 11 of any of the top 5 teams from last year.

So 1 player Chelsea have bought would get in the team that won the Champions League. Out of over 35 bought. 35. 35. 35.

Won the Champions League. It’s been 2 and a half years. How the flying f**k do you take a Champions League winning squad, spend over a billion and end up with trash. Incredible. Criminally incompetent.
Will (F**k everyone at Clearlake. You too Winstanley and Stewart)

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The epic blue dumpster fire
Dear fellow mailboxers,

I know we all support different clubs and have views we wish to air.

The back and forth about the merits of Gravenbach is interesting-ish. But you’re using up good dumpster fire space !

The epic blue dumpster fire is as interesting as it is funny and It’ll only get more hilarious. Point deductions ? Relegations ? A decent into madness.

I – and I’m sure many of you – are here for it. And  I haven’t even seen one memorable recent Chelsea fan in the mailbox talking about ongoings. You’re not posting (annneeemooore)

A Chelsea friend of mine described the strategy as “Wheeeeeee!” which seems apt.

I could read about this sh*t all day long with a beaming smile. And I do.

Kudos, agent Boehly. There should be a statue of you somewhere. Feckless, rotund, chewing on a sandwich. Looking every inch the American financier soccer man.

You’re doing God’s work, Todd. Hiring terrible characters and then ruining them and the club.  You’re also letting the few with actual character escape – like Gallagher and perhaps Sterling.

The good ship Mercenary even has its ultimate captain – Enzo.

Captain. Leader. Legend. Racist.

Again.
Tom E13 (This stuff warms my cold heart. More ! More !)

READ NEXT: Chelsea ‘bomb squad’, Enzo Fernandez and Joao Felix in ranking of 22 Todd Boehly mistakes

Can I just say that I’m thoroughly delighted about the state of Chelsea. Let’s list the atrocious crimes committed by Chelsea and their fans in the past:

– The club being a cesspool of racism from the fans in Stamford Bridge all the way into the institution (e.g. Gwyn Williams and Graham Rix).

– The club having done nothing to tackle and punish racism in their fanbase until very recently.

– Bankrolled by Roman Abramovich, a man that effectively robbed the Russian people and their economy for his own selfish gain and who supported and funded Putin.

-Chelsea fans worshipping Abramovich instead of recognising that he’s a monstrous psychopath who was using London and Chelsea as his own personal playground and of course supporting the tyrannical Putin.

– The club refusing to adequately punish John Terry for racially abusing Anton Ferdinand.

And now the club is captaining Enzo Fernandez, a known racist, and they’ve splurged enough money to end world poverty on so many players that the manager barely sees half of them because he has to make them train separately from his preferred squad. Chelsea have become an utterly laughable parody of themselves. The banality of evil as they say.

Is there a more irredeemable club in football? Certainly not in English football. Chelsea imploding is a victory for humanity.
Vish (AFC), Montpellier, France

They haven’t a clue about football. Hope they are relegated. Having been following them for 40 years it’s terrible to see players being treated this way.
Noel

Everything is fine
I appreciate it is all a bit mental at the Bridge at the mo, but why don’t we wait til the end of the transfer window before assessing how many players Chelsea do/do not have for every position and how much money has been spent/brought in.

All the criticism is almost certainly well placed but it is very premature currently.

If we get rid of Lukaku, Kepa, Sterling & Chilwell that might well bring in the best part of £100m and save £1m a week off the wage bill.

Ta
Chris

Double standards
When a club (like Chelsea) and a manager (like Maresca) want a player out, they tell the player he won’t “get minutes”. He is frozen out, because they want him out. And we see nothing wrong with it.

However, when a player wants out of a club and refuses to play or “give minutes”, we say the player is on strike and is forcing a move. We call it bad behavior.

Why is it ok for clubs to do it, but not players? Why are we okay with Chelsea doing this to Sterling, but complained when Sterling did it to Liverpool? Why the double standards?
Tunji, Lagos.

The Leicester view
I completely agree with everything Dave Tickner says in his article about Maresca selling his soul to Beelzebub to join the Chelsea hellscape.

After all, he left us high and dry in the summer after just one season. Whilst we cannot expect 100% loyalty from anyone who had no prior connection to us, it did have the feel that once any ‘bigger’ club came along he would be off quicker than Todd Boelhy can say ‘I’ve found a loophole!’.

The general view from fans once it was clear he was joining Chelsea was a collective ‘meh.’ Don’t forget this is a manager, new to the role, who took a club on it’s knees following a soul destroying relegation and transformed them into an all conquering table topping win machine (well, at least until March-ish when we had a wobble).

Most managers in this situation would be revered, adored, feted and any other number of platitudes from a grateful fanbase, with crowds hoisting placards outside Filbert Way imploring them to stay once news of their exit was made public.  Not for Enzo though. This is partly due to his methods of getting us there, with often dull, sterile, but effective (just) football that numbed the brain at times. It worked, so we are forever grateful that we were spared another season in the EFL and almost definitely a 1 million points deduction and probable freefall down the leagues.

But the other side of it was his lack of connection with the fans and a ‘like it or lump it’ approach that was aired in several press conferences last season amidst the grumbles (his messages about the Chelsea squad don’t surprise me at all, even if they do make him sound a bit of a nob). Because of that we, as a fan base, just did not have any connection with him.

And therein lies the rub, Maresca is a mercenary, taking any opportunity to get up the greasy pole. Chelsea themselves are probably just another stepping stone to a more stable and ‘normal’ elite level role he craves. Of course, nothing wrong with that, most in football are probably the same, but it is just so obvious and that, in itself, is so off putting in your manager, the supposed figurehead of your club.

So Chelsea’s absolute shambles, whilst immensely enjoyable in it’s own right, is given added satisfaction for me because it must surely end in tears for Maresca. A man who is showing no sense of decency or loyalty to any one other than himself.
Rob (it’s a shame for Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall though – he really should still be with us and enjoying a seminal season but for sodding FFP reasons), Leicester

You’ll never sing that
Given all the attention on the current circus at Chelsea I decided to write in with some positive news at Spurs: we have been named the best ran club in the Premier League by Fair game UK, with a score of 68.2 out of 100. Financial sustainability and good governance were the biggest factors in our victory.

I feel an immense amount of pride that my club continues to set an example to the rest of the league on how to run a successful football club through patience, smart business decisions, and a long-term vision.

It’s difficult not to remember the mockery thrown in our direction by Chelsea fans as we strived to build a sustainable football club while Vladimir Putin’s best mate bought them a load of trophies. They’re not laughing now are they?
Barry Fox

Grave error
What, no Ryan Gravenberch email this morning? That was some riveting stuff.
Finlay x

On the volleys
Any list of volleys is redundant unless that Hamit Altintop peach is at number one. Surely by far the greatest volley of all time….
Jamie Bedwell, Cheltenhamshire

Bradford is not even the best Paul Scholes’ volley chaps.

2006, at Aston Villa, corner headed clear, 25 yards out, ball falls from the sky, nonchalant volley, ball picks up pace as it goes, moves like a torpedo, off the underside of the bar, Tyler screams “HOW”, Gábor Király’s track suit bottoms.

End of conversation.
MDE, MUFC